The Woman Who Kept Everything Read online

  Wedgwood collection: The town museum have expressed an interest, so please give it to them.

  House: I’ve done the paperwork for you to sign it over to the National Trust to sell to increase their coffers.

  Furniture, trinkets, jewellery and money in bank accounts: Please use the proceeds of all this stuff for your forthcoming wedding to Gloria and subsequent honeymoon.

  Morgan sports car: Please give my car to Marvin to use – if he can squeeze into it (he’s got a bit porky of late, ha, ha) – or to sell or whatever. I’ve sorted out the relevant paperwork and he’ll know what needs to happen next.

  Other than that, dear bro, I’ll see you up there, or down there or wherever ‘there’ happens to be, later.

  Your loving sis, Lil XXX

  That was Lily to the end, so organised, he’d thought. But it made all the processes so much easier to deal with.

  Tilsbury had held her and cried for a long time before he contacted the Macmillan nurses and let them know what had happened. Both Tilsbury and Gloria were shocked it had happened much sooner than they’d expected.

  It was a bright but chilly wintry day with an impishly icy breeze blowing, the morning of Lily’s funeral. The vicar’s black garb billowed in the wind as he welcomed everyone into the church and said a few words. Gloria had done Lily proud by organising the church to be filled with fragrant white lilies. And the choir brought tears to everybody’s eyes. Tilsbury was inconsolable. But Nellie and May both said Lily would have loved the pomp of her own farewell.

  Chapter 46

  A few days after the funeral, Tilsbury broached the subject of their wedding.

  ‘So we could go for it now or later, love. Or whatever you want.’

  ‘Are you sure you’re up to all of this, though, my love? Lily’s not long been buried. I don’t want you to rush into anything you’re not ready for, Tils.’

  ‘Life is very short, Glor. I know that well enough. Lily lived an exuberant life filled with crazy events and lots of love. She wanted that for me too. But my life path has meant it’s already taken me a lot longer to get to where I should’ve been going. And, not knowing how long any of us have got left, Lily was keen for me to get a push-on with the rest of mine. So I know I’m ready to do this now.’

  Gloria nodded thoughtfully.

  ‘Okay then, ducks. Well my best scenario would be for a spring wedding, here in Sheringham, followed by our honeymoon, later on, in July at that hotel in Eastbourne. That way all my lovely friends can join in. And I’d like Jocelyn and your Marvin to come to Eastbourne, with us, too. But I know they ain’t really got the money. So I’ve been thinking that I’d like to pay for them as a one-off.’

  ‘Well no, my love. I’d like to pay for them, if I may. I owe them big time, don’t I? And I have the money to do that for them for once. Anyway, it’s only fair. I want to pay my dues and start being responsible for a change. It’s a new experience for me, that is!’

  Gloria laughed. ‘Aye, you’re right, there. Well, is that settled then?’

  ‘It is, my love. So we can set them big old wheels in motion.’

  ‘Good, but there’s just one more thing that needs doin’ before we set a date and it’s not goin’ to be pleasant!’

  * * *

  Gloria didn’t know how Val had persuaded Clegg to come round for afternoon tea with her and Tilsbury, a few weeks later, but somehow she had. She’d rung Val, beforehand, and told her about Tilsbury’s proposal but warned her not to say anything to Clegg for fear of more ruddy reprisals and threats.

  ‘I just can’t take all this crap and walking on eggshells all the time with him, Val. So I need to get things in the open, once and for all and then we’ll all just live our lives. And if it doesn’t suit Cleggy, then it doesn’t. Tough shit. But can ya leave it for me to tell him? Might help if you act a bit surprised too. Don’t want to get ya into trouble with him, either. Yes, love, of course you and the kids are invited to the wedding and reception. Yes, probably at the Sheringham hotel again. They did us so proud for my eightieth, didn’t they, love? Okay great. See you soon.’

  The nights were still dark early, of course, being the end of January, so afternoon tea had been decided on instead of having them round for dinner. A light snow was falling on the Sunday they arrived. Val walked in smiling and cheerful, commenting on the spicy buttered scones with jam and cream and egg mayonnaise sandwiches Gloria knew were everybody’s favourite.

  Clegg was tight-lipped and morose but did manage to squeeze a curt ‘Afternoon’ out to nobody in particular.

  Tea was poured and conversation was kept light until the food was finished and Val helped Gloria take the dishes to the kitchen and load her spanking new dishwasher.

  ‘Mmm nice dishwasher. We could probably do with another one ’cos ours no longer works. I’ve become the dishwasher again, which is painful after so many years of having one. Ha, ha!’ Val commented.

  In the lounge Clegg and Tilsbury kept their eyes averted and didn’t say a word.

  Tilsbury was sure Clegg would soon want to smash his face in, about their recent engagement, but he made sure he didn’t smirk or snigger to rile him.

  Before Gloria came back and sat down, she opened the small red box and slipped her ring on. When she returned she simply held out her left hand with her new and re-adjusted engagement ring, sitting snugly on her third finger.

  Val gasped and dramatically put her hands to her mouth, as they’d agreed she should.

  ‘Oh, Gloria! That is lovely! Oh, congratulations, Tilsbury! Congratulations, Gloria!’

  ‘Well, Cleggy?’ Gloria challenged.

  Clegg’s face had gone puce. Words defied him. But then suddenly they were spewing out of him like a volcanic eruption.

  ‘What the – ? You cannot be serious, Mother! You’re eighty years old, for fuck’s sake! And you brought me out here for this crazy bloody drama? Have you totally lost your sodding mind? You –’

  ‘BE QUIET, SON. Settle down. How DARE you speak to your mother like that!’ bellowed Tilsbury standing up.

  ‘DON’T YOU EVER USE THE WORD “SON” WITH ME, YOU FUCKING SCOUNDREL –’

  ‘But he is,’ said Gloria, quietly.

  Perhaps it was her demeanour that made everyone suddenly stop – completely stop – and turn and stare at her, completely and utterly shocked, including Tilsbury, who also didn’t know.

  Ever so quietly, Gloria repeated those startling words.

  ‘TILSBURY is YOUR father. YOU are his SON. Oh and to clear up any further misunderstandings, Arthur knew. It’s why he married me when he did. He was a good ’un and I did love him. I loved him throughout our married life, just so you all know.’

  Gloria was silent, herself, for a moment. She glanced around the room, noting Val’s open mouth and Cleggy’s bulging, frightened eyes. In a way, she couldn’t believe she’d actually uttered those startling words after so many years. It did, actually, sound preposterous. But it was long overdue admitting.

  She then turned to Tilsbury.

  ‘I’m – er – I’m sorry I never told you about this back then, Tils. I’m sure it’s a monstrous shock for you. For everyone, in fact. But you were always flitting from one thing to another, in those days, and you were away a lot. I realised you were far too unreliable for fatherhood back then, which is why I never told you. And then you went and married Jocelyn and things got complicated. But that’s it! And that’s everything! Now, unfortunately, if none of you can deal with this – if none of you wants to try and understand how it was for me back then, being single and pregnant and how these things can just sometimes happen, then I’m sorry. But I’ve said my piece. And now I’d like you all to just please go home and absorb everything I’ve said!’

  For a moment no one could breathe or move or say anything. They sat rigid, as if time had suddenly stopped, too. But it was only for a moment …

  Chapter 47

  The following March, Gloria’s stunning off-white wedding outfit, co
nsisting of a short lace top with three-quarter sleeves and satin skirt was chosen with Val and Jessie on a shopping spree in Norwich. She’d told Tilsbury, earlier, that she intended to choose a simple bouquet of lilies, for her wedding bouquet, in remembrance of his adored sister Lily. They’d also go perfectly with her dress. The feather, net and satin fascinator was Jessie’s idea instead of a short veil.

  ‘It’s so in, Grandma!’

  But Gloria had drawn the line at matching high heels of Jessie’s choosing and gone for the matching kitten heels, as suggested by Val.

  ‘You wait ’til ya get to my age, ducks,’ Gloria warned her granddaughter. ‘You’ll always go for comfort over high fashion!’

  The ‘something old’ was going to be Joe’s beautiful pendant he’d given her in Eastbourne, which reminded her of a very important time in her life; the something new was her lovely wedding attire; something borrowed was a pashmina from Val, in case it got cold; and the something blue was Lily’s last parting gift of a hand-stitched, pale blue garter – something she had acquired many moons ago in Sri Lanka.

  Val treated them to afternoon tea, afterwards.

  They sank into their seats exhausted, shopping bags surrounding them, and gobbled down their delicious sandwiches and scones, bursting with fresh double cream and strawberry jam. It reminded Gloria of the last afternoon tea she’d shared with Tilsbury, seemingly a lifetime ago, in the park gardens. Yet it was less than a year ago.

  ‘C’mon, Gran. I want a picture of us three ladies before I shoot off to meet my mates!’ said Jessie, getting her iPad ready and handing it to the waitress. ‘You sit in the middle, Gran.’

  It brought a tear to Gloria’s eye to realise how she’d been fully accepted back into her old family, even though that clearly wasn’t the case, yet, with Clegg.

  Jessie kissed them afterwards and left.

  ‘So, now we’re alone, how is Clegg these days?’

  Val let out a long whistle. ‘Well, after he lost it back at your place, when you informed him about his, let’s say, unrealised parentage and they – um – carted him off to the Marley Institution –’

  ‘He smashed up my new place, is what he did, Val, and terrified us all, which is why I called the police!’ Gloria shot back, furious at the very thought.

  Val grimaced but reached out and rubbed Gloria’s arm. ‘God, I know, Gloria. It’s okay. It was bloody awful. We were all very shocked that day. And I know it still hurts. But, in fact, in a strange way I’m glad this all happened. Something had been brewing with him for years. Your confession was the icing on his cake. And I think it came out at just the right time.’

  Gloria shook her head, dismissively, at this.

  ‘So anyway,’ Val continued, ‘the people in the institute tried to tackle what was going on with him. But he just wouldn’t answer them; wouldn’t speak to them at all, in fact. Then I was asked to give my version of events and they said they’d try residential counselling to see what that’d reveal. But all they got was abuse, with him shouting and swearing at them. He just wouldn’t open up at all. So a few weeks later they told me the next thing they were going to try was putting him on a low sedation dose and try to get him to open up without all the hysterics. By the end of that first month, I was summoned to see them. The counsellor said he’d finally opened up a little and what he told her was, that he’d felt as a man, he should never talk about his problems and so he’d been bottling things up all his life.’

  Gloria scowled at this comment.

  ‘Anyway, the upshot is that he says he never wanted to be an army man. It was just an easy option when he left school. Apparently Arthur’d said he didn’t want him wastin’ his life, hanging round the council estate, like the other lads. He also says he hates his current job but he doesn’t know how to go about changing it now he’s in his mid-fifties. He wanted to retire early in order to escape his problems but we don’t have any money put aside for that.

  ‘So he tried to tell me that if we could get you out of your house you’d probably help us out putting the kids through uni with a bit left over for ourselves as well as enough to pay for putting you in a home eventually. At the same time he could see that you were going downhill too and he just didn’t know how to cope with that, on top of everything else. This is why he was venting his anger on all of us but especially, unfortunately, on you. He said it felt like his whole world was collapsing. And then, of course, finding out that Tilsbury was his birth father was just another challenge he couldn’t deal with and so it pushed him completely over the edge.’

  ‘Oh charming! Not man enough to face up to things, is it?’

  ‘No, Gloria,’ Val said softly. ‘Not coherent enough to ask for help when he was failing and falling. Mental health’s becoming quite an issue these days. I see this kind of thing a lot in my job, especially with men. I feel terrible that I didn’t notice the signs. I guess, sometimes, you don’t see what’s right under your nose. But I get it now. And, talking to the counsellor, she suggested it would help him if we all tried to pull together on this and help him sort things out. I do still love him, you see. And I don’t want to split up over this. In fact, I don’t want any of us to split up over this. I think we can find a way to work through this. I think you and I have found friendship and the kids adore you. We want you back in our lives. But, on the other hand, we don’t want to be in the middle of a war between you and Cleggy all the time.’

  ‘Well yes, that’s all very well, ducks. And I’m glad you’re standing by him and all. It’s just that he’s put me through the mill. And I’ve had a skinful. At eighty, you’d expect life to get easier, love. Not more stressful.’

  Val nodded. ‘I know, Gloria. So I’m hopeful they’ll sort something out and things might just start looking up. They’ve said he can come home for a couple of days, occasionally. It’s supposed to break him back into his own environment, gently, and see how it goes from there. Then they’ll reassess him again later.’

  ‘Well, let’s wait and see what happens with that then, shall we, love?’

  ‘We shall, yes. I’ll keep in touch with you, anyways. I’m sorry about all this, Gloria. I really am,’ said Val, sighing inwardly, then standing up and wrapping her arms around Gloria for a long hug.

  Chapter 48

  Church organ music always made Gloria feel sad.

  To her, it never seemed to be played accompanied by violins, trumpets or any other accoutrements of pleasure. They were never cheerful or foot-tapping tunes. Whatever the occasion, the melody always seemed to be serious, dull or melancholy. But the one sombre tune she was thrilled to hear as she entered the church on Jocelyn’s arm, in the middle of April, for her own wedding to Tilsbury that day, was the wedding march: Here Comes the Bride (Processional) by Richard Wagner.

  Tears graced her eyes as she looked at Jocelyn, pretty in a pale blue outfit, with her hair done especially for Gloria’s important occasion.

  They hugged briefly as Gloria whispered, ‘You sure you’re okay about this, though, ducks?’

  ‘Oh, of course, you old trout,’ Jocelyn whispered back with a grin. ‘I got me Marvin now and we’re happy, love. Tils never was really mine, as we both know. C’mon now watch your mascara. Right. Nice and ready now?’

  Just as Gloria braced herself and started to take her first steps down the aisle, someone tapped her on the shoulder.

  ‘Could I cut in?’ said a familiar but odd-sounding voice. Gloria was trying to place it as she turned round to see Clegg, smartly dressed in a suit, with the same corsage as the rest of the wedding party.

  Gloria stopped and stared, her mouth falling open in utter shock. ‘What the ’eck are you –’

  ‘I’m giving my mother away to be married. Well, I’ve been working up to this moment with the institute’s help and my lovely Val as well of course. And, naturally, the kids wanted me to “get my act together and stop hurtin’ everyone,” they said. Can’t say I’m always gonna be perfect, now, Mother, but I’m gettin’ t
here. And this, this is part of it. It – well – it was my idea, actually. You might not believe that. But when I mentioned it to Jessie, she was thrilled. She adores you. They both do. And I do actually want to do this for you today as well, Mum. So it’s not just an act or summat.

  ‘I’ve been a twat, I’ll grant you that. But now I understand stuff I never understood before. The people at the institute, um, opened my eyes to things. And I also know you love Tilsbury and I’m fine with that. I wasn’t at first, of course. Understandably, it was a ruddy great big shock, it was. But I’ve, er, worked through most of my problems and I’m okay about this now. I promise,’ he said quietly.

  Gloria searched his eyes for the mania that was there the last time she looked. There was no way her wedding was going to be spoiled by further hysterics. But Val came up to them.

  ‘Please don’t worry, Gloria. He’s not going to ruin anything. He really wants to do this. They made him see sense at the institute, like with you at the nursing home. And, pretty much like you at Green’s, they seem to have got through most of the barriers. He understands us all a lot better now. He understands himself more too. I’m sorry Jocelyn. Do you mind if we do this?’

  Jocelyn shrugged. She did mind and she had plenty to say about it and them for hurting her best friend over the years. But today was neither the time, nor was this the place. So she kept a lid on her feelings and went back to her seat, next to Marvin, muttering. Marvin grinned at her and took hold of her hand.

  ‘You knew about this?’ she hissed at him.

  ‘It’s okay, love. It’s sortin’ itself out is what it’s doin’.’

  The music played on and Gloria began to walk slowly down the aisle. Clegg’s arm was firm. It felt okay. Maybe it would be okay. She’d had Val’s reassurance. But Clegg was the last person she ever expected to see guiding her towards her happy union with Tilsbury.

  ‘She’s all yours, mate,’ said Clegg, genially when he got to where Tilsbury was proudly surveying Gloria in her beautiful wedding dress. ‘And thanks for doing that other thing. I’m very grateful,’ he added with a wink and then walked back slowly to join Val.